Chew Soon & Alicia's Blog

Happy Birthday Mummy

2009-11-07T19:25:00.001+08:00

Mummy's birthday is around the corner and I plan to bring her out for a nice dinner tonight and I got her a Coach handbag as her present as well.

Happy birthday mummy! We love you very much!

分手时，不要问

2009-11-02T17:50:00.005+08:00

Dedicate给我那刚刚分手的好朋友，妳要坚强一点。
他既然离开了妳，那妳不要再去缠他了。

分手时，沉默是最好的问题，最圆满的答案。
当一段恋爱没有修成正果的时候，分手是难免的。

谁不是痛过几次后，哭过几次后，才找到最后的爱。（虽然我上几次都没哭过）
分手是必经的，但有些问题可以不必问。

不要问：为什么要分手？
因为无论答案是什么，都是妳难以接受的原因。

不要问：你有没有爱过我？
爱过又如何？未爱过又如何？总之现在这一刻就不爱。

不要问：我做错了些什么？
爱不是讲什么对错，而是讲感觉。相爱是谈情，不是讲理。
当爱的感觉已不存在了，对和错又可以挽回什么呢？

不要问：我有什么不好，她有什么好？我有什么比不上她呢？
何必逼着对方再一次的侮辱妳，伤害妳的自尊呢？

不要问：难道你不记得我们以前快乐的日子吗？
当他决定要离开妳的时候，以前的事已经对他不重要了。
他要的是现在的快乐，和将来的快乐。

不要问：不如我们重新来过，我改。好吗？
这个哀求只会另对方觉妳更可怜，更卑微。

不要问：那我们可不可以做朋友？
这样会拖泥带水，对方只会感到厌倦。

女人心疼男人的种种方式

2009-10-30T11:33:00.006+08:00

当你愛上一個男子，千万別去想自己是不是应该矜持一点。愛他就告诉他，有时候男人也很爱虚荣，你的表白会让他的自信达到顶点。

当你已经不愛他了，那么也用最直接的方式告诉他。別去考虑他会不会脆弱，男人的自尊远比伤痛重要。

当你們已经相愛，那么就要对他信任，有什么想法就告訴他，不管他支持不支持。任何一個男子都希望他的女人依靠他。

在他的朋友面前，要給他十足的地位。面子对男子來说比什么都重要，不要介意在人前当個小女人，要知道小女人都是男人宠出來的。

他在打遊戏的时候，不论你有多急的事情，也不要直接去关他的电脑。最好是搂着他，在他耳边轻轻的细语。因为男人对遊戏的着迷胜过你看一部精彩的肥皂剧。

男人每个月也有那几天，跟女人差不多，心情无故低落。这个时候不要问他怎么了，只要陪在他身边，做好你自己。

他和朋友出去喝酒、打牌，你不要问他为什么不带你一块前往。男人都愿意做风筝，只要线还在你手里，那么就放他去飞吧。

男人都很懶很笨，尽管他愛你，但是不想费尽心思讨好你，你所能做的就是在适当的时候给他一个明示。男人有时候需要女人给他強而有力的当头一棒。

男人不管他外表有多強大，但是骨子里都还是一个孩子。他在任性的时候不要对他大吼大叫，这对他起不了作用。最有效的办法是陪他一起疯。等他平静后轻轻的告诉他你很爱他。

男人都是不肯认错的，在他知道错的时候给他一個台阶台下，他会知恩图报的。

体谅一个男人，那就是把他当成你的愛人、情人、哥哥、朋友、父亲、孩子。愛他，不要给他负担，给他自由，给自己自由。

做女人要知道什么时候该进，什么时候该退。什么时候该挡在他的前面，什么时候该躲在他身后。把他当成你自己一样去爱护，成全了他的幸福，他才会成全你的幸福。

暧昧，你懂吗？

2009-10-27T17:32:00.006+08:00

这是个曖昧橫行的年代。

感情出现的第三个种类。

比友情深但却比愛情浅。

游走于二者的边缘。

这就是曖昧。

是什么时候开始本应该是明明朗朗的愛情成了一場麓战？

谁先动心谁就满盘皆输，万劫不复。

是谁把简单复杂化？

其实说穿了。。。

曖昧，是比好朋友再亲一点但比情人远一点。

曖昧，是你会常常在 msn 等他上线，当他几天沒有上线你就会有些担心。

曖昧，是每天大家都会聊 msn，会互传手机短讯，还可能会无规律地偶然约会。

曖昧，是你会时不时去他的 blog 或 facebook 看看有沒有更新，而且你会留意字里行间他对你有沒有什么暗示。

曖昧，是有感觉然而这种感觉不足以叫你切切实实地发展一段正式的关系。

曖昧，是明白人生有太多的无奈，现实有太多的限制。你知道沒有可能但又捨不得放手。

曖昧，是有进一步的冲动，却沒有进一步的勇氣。

曖昧，是他不是你的情人但似乎他比你的情人更关心你和了解你。

曖昧，是你会编一条围巾給他但大家从沒有开始过。

曖昧，是虽然他不是你的情人但他却会对你说：“你对我是十分重要的”。

曖昧，是你感冒时有一個会在晚上打电话來特意提醒你服药叫你盖好被子早点睡的普通朋友。

曖昧，是可以推脫責任的游戏，沒有承诺就无需负责。

曖昧，是勇敢者的游戏，無畏的人才能在角逐中进退自如。

曖昧，是每当他提及他的另一半時你會万箭穿心。

曖昧，是为了逃避背叛的罪恶感。

曖昧，是甜津津又同時酸溜溜的往往从未开始已叫人不安患得患失。

曖昧，是別人以为你们在搞地下情時你会马上否认，但却沾沾自喜。

曖昧，是別人问你们是否恋爱中你会马上否认，可是心里却万般的希望确是如此。

曖昧，是常常挣扎表不表白，你怕表白之后你既得不到一个情人却又失去了一个知心好友。

曖昧，是见到时他你会心跳，見不到他时你会挂念他。

曖昧，是两个人都会互相猜想他是不是已经暗示了什么? 我是不是自作多情?

曖昧，是你很想多走一步但又怕会吓怕了他，你会很小心流露自己的感情。

曖昧，是除了情人节之外，其他的节日大家都可以交换礼物而不感到尴尬。

曖昧，是兩个人沒有承诺过什么，但虽然如此你愿意付出的比有承諾的情侶更多。沒有責任但你却很渴望去承担，不问回报。

曖昧，是你看了這篇文章后，心里马上就会想到的那个人是不是?

Mind Games That Women Play

2009-10-26T15:08:00.003+08:00

"Do you think I look fat in this dress?"

When a woman asks you this, you're doomed. No matter what you say, it will be the wrong answer. She already knows she looks fat or she wouldn't be asking you the question in the first place.

But if you fib and tell her that she looks skinny, she knows it's not the truth and she'll punish you not only for lying to her, but also for noticing that she's been packing on the pounds. She might even break into tears because, "You don't love me for who I am."

Either way, you're fucked.

So why do women indulge in these silly mind games?

Well, for one thing, they're women. And women think and react with their emotions, or at least more than men do in general. But it's really about testing us. And tests are ultimately all about control of the relationship.

The typical guy is usually clueless about the mind games women play. But play them they will, so you'd better be aware of what's going on.

Let's take a look at three different stages - Meeting, Dating and Relationship to see what kinds of games the typical female plays.

1 - The MEETING STAGE

Sexy clothes - She wears provocative clothing and then gets mad when you check her out.

What's her mind game?: No logic here at all. Of course men are going to look and she knows it. And when they do, she castigates them for their normal and natural interest.

Shallow initial contact - She'll come on to you, flirt, even act sexually suggestive with absolutely no intention of going on a date or getting involved.

What's her mind game?: She wants to get a rise out of you to assure herself that she's still attractive to the men. Surprisingly, a lot of attached women play this game.

No phone call - She'll give out her number with no intention of dating you. Or she'll take your number and never call you.

What's her mind game?: This is another bid for power. She just wants to reassure herself that she can control men with her sexuality.

Hard to get - She turns you down for a date or doesn't return your call, even if she's interested in going out with you.

What's her mind game?: Sometimes this is simply a power play and sometimes what she wants is for you to chase her, to determine how desperate you are for sex. If you bite, then she knows she's totally in control of the relationship and you'll forever jump to the crack of her whip.

On to the Dating Stage, where things can potentially get worse.

2 - THE DATING STAGE

Broken dates - She breaks your date at the last minute or doesn't show up at all without a word of apology.

What's her mind game?: She knows that the one being pursued controls the course of the relationship and she wants to ensure that you dance to her tune early on. Many women play this game to see how desperate a man is. If you roll over and puppy-dog it at this point, you might as well just put a collar around your neck.

Waiting time - She's late or not ready when you pick her up for a date. Furthermore, this is a recurring issue.

What's her mind game?: She's trying to figure out how much she can get away with. She wants to be the one calling the shots; she wants you to run after her and wonder if she's really interested in you. Furthermore, if she makes you wait for her, she sends a clear signal that she values her time more than she does yours.

Expensive dates - She wants to go to the most expensive restaurant, the most exclusive club, the hottest play and expects you to fund the whole thing without a whimper.

What's her mind game?: She's aware that you know that if you don't fork over the cash, you won't have a prayer of getting her into bed. To make matters worse, she might even do this if she has unequivocally no intention of having sex with you. Woe to you if you've already proven to her that you're desperate for sex and your credit card is going to be smoking.

No sex - She gets you hot and bothered and then backs off, or otherwise restricts access to sex.

What's her mind game?: This is a perfect example of manipulation and exultation of her sexual power over you, plain and simple. She might also play this game to extract more cash from your wallet (see previous point).

Serial flirt - She flirts with other men in front of you.

What's her mind game?: What she's doing is testing to see how interested you are and underscoring the fact that she's sexually desirable to other men (so you'd better toe the line bro).

Inconsistent wants - She says one thing, then does another. For example, she'll tell you that it doesn't matter where the two of you go or what you do, and then pout all night when you make the "wrong" choice.

What's her mind game?: She wants to be the one finding faults with you, and not the other way around. Of course, there's no way for you to know what the "right" choices are.

And for the finale, the games women play when you're settling in.

3 - THE RELATIONSHIP STAGE

Selfish ways - She acts any way she pleases to see if you'll tolerate her bad behavior or pushes you around to see if you'll stand up to her.

What's her mind game?: She's testing to see how "much of a man" you are (how much control she has over you), as well as arming herself with ammunition for future arguments, in case you get mad and fly into a rage.

Mind reading - She expects you to read her mind. This includes her sexual desires, her favorite restaurants, what happened to her during the day, and every other little trivial thing.

What's her mind game?: She wants to see if you care. She wants to know that you understand her feelings and listen to her. You are somehow supposed to magically guess exactly what she's thinking, what she wants and how she wants it without her having to say a word. When, naturally, you fail to "just know," she punishes you (often by cutting off sex).

Comparison to others - She compares you to her friends' boyfriends.

What's her mind game?: Women are always looking to feather their nests. If she finds a better deal, she'll toss you aside and move on to her next victim...uh, boyfriend.

Crazy antics - She throws tantrums and generally acts unpleasant and bitchy.

What's her mind game?: She wants to know just how much crap you'll put up with.

Inconsistent wants - She indulges in contradictory thinking. She wants a manly man who takes charge, but who has metrosexual traits and loves watching romantic comedies.

What's her mind game?: She tells you that she wants you to show more emotion, but when you do, she brands you as "weak." This is yet another example of her keeping the upper hand in the relationship, by making you feel like she can be the one dumping you if you're not exactly what she wants.

Virgo Man

2009-10-23T15:50:00.013+08:00

I came across this book by Linda Goodman, and this is what she had to say about a Virgo man.

According to her I'm actually made out of combination of steel and ice. I'm immune to sexual flirtations, cranky, good in acting and worst of all most bachelors in the world are actually Virgos.

She even advised Virgo's partners to let them worry, according to her it is actually good for the Virgo as its just like a mental exercise to them. She can't be serious right?

Damn, no wonder nobody wants to date me.

Virgo Man by Linda Goodman

We may as well get this out into the open right away. Don't pin your hopes on a Virgo man if your heart is hungry for romantic dreams and fairy tales, or you'll find yourself on a starvation diet. A love affair with a Virgo will dump a warm sentimentalist on the cold ground with a hard thud, and it can hurt.

This man lives almost entirely on a practical, material level, and he has little use for the abstractions of storybook romance. Of course, the whole problem may be academic anyway, since it will take no little effort to bring him anywhere near the threshold of a man-woman relationship in the first place. He's not the type to serenade you beneath your boudoir window. You'll have a long, lonely wait on your moonlit balcony until he starts climbing the rose trellis (or the fire escape, if you live in a walk-up).

Actually, Virgos are deeply involved with love from earliest childhood, but not the Romeo-Juliet kind of love. His chief way of expressing the word is concerned with unselfish devotion to family, friends and those weaker or more disorganized than himself. He was born with an instinctive love of work, love of duty and discipline and devotion to the helpless. Even the un-evolved Virgo, who doesn't quite reach such heights, feels slightly guilty that he isn't living up to a selfless ideal in some way.

The kind of love which displays itself in dramatic emotions, sentimental promises, tearful declarations and mushy affection, not only leaves a Virgo man cold, it can frighten him into catching the nearest bus or train out of town. (Planes are too fast and too expensive for him, unless he's really desperate.) But he can be melted if the temperature is just right, even though he seems to be made of a combination of steel and ice. There are definitely ways to the Virgo heart. Secret ways, aggressive pursuit is not one of them. Neither is coquetry nor sexuality, as many a flirtatious vamp and slinky siren has learned, to her surprise and disappointment.

Virgos seeks quality rather than quantity in romance. Since quality is at pretty much of a premium in any category, they have few real love affairs, and the few they do have are destined to be unlucky or sad in some way, more often than not. Virgo's reaction to such a disappointment is normally to bury himself in the hardest work he can find, stay away from society in general, and be twice as cautious at the next opportunity. You can see that you'll have to use considerable strategy and patience. The basic Virginian instinct is chastity, and he's turned from it only for a good cause or for a mighty good woman.

Many Virgos though admittedly not all can live with celibacy far more easily than any other Sun sign, just as they put up with rules of discipline they don't understand, because obedience to fate without struggling comes naturally to them. If fate decrees a single life, Virgo is prepared to accept it without excess regret or emotional trauma, so there are lots of Virgo bachelors around but still, in their quiet way, they can manage some very poetic, if fragile, love affairs.

Although he's never obvious, Virgo can be a master of the art of subtle seduction. A couple of generations of women who have trembled inside when a certain French man smiles his shy, gentle smile can tell you all about it. Maurice Chevalier didn't become a legend because he has a singing voice like Caruso, you know. He may not be of my generation, but I too get butterflies in the heart region when I see or hear him.

The Virgo man is a blend of sharp intellect and solid earth. He can be detached enough to break lots of hearts with a cool kind of flirting, but his critical analytical sense and his fastidious discrimination seldom allow these frequent excursions to leave the platonic arena. It has to burn with a white heat to produce real passion in a Virgo. His modesty and selectivity alone prevent undue promiscuity. Of course, there may be an occasional fall into an earthy, physical experience, but such indiscretions are the exception, rather than the rule.

He'll take his own precious time about finding a love object, because he's as critical and painstaking in the selection of a woman as he is in his eating, grooming, health and work habits. Don't try to fool him or lie to him. Your Virgo lover holds no illusions. He wants a decent, honest and genuine relationship. He knows very well how small his chances are of finding it, but it's useless to expect him to accept anything less. If circumstances ever do involve him in a sordid affair, you can be certain he won't remain in its clutches for long.

He is a difficult man to stir emotionally. He can go for a long time without feeling any burning need for a permanent mate. It's enough to make you cry if you've set your cap for him. You'll wonder if he's made of marble or if he was born without a heart. No, he isn't made of marble and yes, he does have a heart. Be patient. To her who waits comes eventual success.

Now and then a curious, frustrated Virgo may try a fling at deliberate promiscuous behavior, simply to see if he's lacking in masculinity. He's not, of course, and as soon as he discovers it, he seeks no more artificial experiences to prove himself. No cool, clear and collected Virgo can be immune to the call of human nature forever, but once he does succumb, he’ll be shy about admitting it.

When he's on the threshold of submission, he'll cover his true feelings with elaborate casualness. There is more than a spark of subdued, but extremely refined acting talent in Virgo. He will pretend to be disinterested as cleverly as he pretends to be ill when he's not enjoying himself at a party. Don't expect him to respond with any great display of ecstatic surrender even after he's committed, and while he's still deciding if you're really the one for whom he'll forsake his single state, he'll play it mighty cool, indeed.

Once he's decided it's for real, however, he'll declare himself with touching simplicity. His love will burn with a steady flame, never fluctuating like the love of other Sun signs, and it will give warmth over the years with wonderful dependability. Is that so bad? The one quality of fairy tale romance about Virgo is that, if he's genuinely in love, he will wait for years to claim his true mate, or travel over a thousand mountains to bring her home to his hearth.

He's capable of enormous sacrifice in the pursuit of that one dainty foot he's discovered will fit the glass slipper. There's no denying that the flame is strong, once it's been kindled. It's almost impossible to extinguish it. You'll be as eternally adored as Cinderella herself. The trick, I suppose, is in the original kindling. It's a rare foot that fits his glass slipper. Virgo is enormously particular.

After you've caught him, he’ll seldom if ever invite your jealousy, and he'll be determined to overcome any rough spots caused by financial problems, relatives or outside interference. He'll show incredible strength through emotional and material hardships, as long as you remain by his side. You couldn't ask for a tenderer, gentle companion when your heart is broken for any reason by a cruel world or when you're physically ill. He won't shower you with money, but you'll be well supplied with necessities, and he will shower you with consideration.

A Virgo man is invariably kindly and thoughtful about all those little things which matter to women. He has a crystal clear memory and probably won't forget special dates, though he may be a bit mystified as to why you think they are so important. He won't be wildly, passionately jealous, yet Virgo males are possessive in the extreme. This sounds like a fine line to draw, but it's important. Even though he doesn't throw emotional scenes of jealousy over the attentions other men pay you, his deeply rooted possessiveness should warn you that a little freedom goes a long way.

The wife of a Virgo who wanders too far away from the home fires too often may find herself without a husband to return to. Virgos are utterly loyal and they dislike destroying family ties intensely, but when their sense of decency has been finally outraged they won't hesitate to make a cold, clean break in the divorce court. No messy, complicated trial separations for them. When it's over, it's over. Goodbye and good luck.

Even the Virgo's sharp, unusually excellent memory won't cause him to cry sentimental tears over the past, simply because he's able to discipline his memory as firmly as he does his emotions. Self-discipline is part of his very nature. The Virgo man with his mind made up moves on and having moved on, all your tears and apologies are useless in getting him to change his mind. He'll never fall victim to the illusion that gluing together the broken pieces will recreate perfection in what has once been seriously flawed.

If your heart is set on a Virgo man, you'd better brush up your thinking cap and wear it when he's around. Virgos hate ignorance, stupidity and sloppy thinking almost as much as they hate dirt and vulgarity, and that's a lot. The girl who snares the Virgo heart had better be smartly dressed with a sizable brain under her neat hair style and you'll notice I said neat hair style. Virgos look for women who are clean in body and mind, and who dress well, but not in flashy extremes of fashion.

You won't have to be Julia Child, but for goodness sakes, don't ever be naive enough to think a Virgo husband will let you feed him out of cans. A pleasure seeking, selfish, mentally lazy woman will never make it with a Virgo male, even if she's fairly oozing with sex appeal. This is the very last man in the world you can expect to find running off with a topless Go-Go girl, though he might loan her his sweater if she's chilly. When it comes right down to the nitty-gritty, he's looking for a wife-not a mistress in any sense of the word.

Virgo men have no strong yearning for fatherhood, as a rule. Their particular kind of ego doesn't seem to require children for emotional fulfilment, and Virgos tend to have small families. Yet, once a child or children have been born, the Virgo is an extremely conscientious parent, and will never take his responsibilities lightly. He’ll spend many hours teaching his youngsters skills and transmitting his own high standards of conduct. He'll be cheerfully willing to help with homework and will probably make no end of sacrifices for hobbies, music lessons, camp and especially college.

A Virgo father will place great emphasis on intellect and train his children rigidly in matters of ethics, courtesy and good citizenship. Even the divorced Virgo will eventually see to it somehow that his offspring are well cared for, wherever they may be, and that they get an education. Children of Virgo fathers usually grow up with both love and respect for books and learning. You'll seldom find a Virgo parent spoiling a child, and there will always be plenty of necessary discipline.

All this is fine, but there may be a need for more physical expressions of love between a Virgo father and his youngsters, since affection is not something that comes naturally to him. Unless a serious effort is made in this area from babyhood on, there's more than a small chance that he'll one day discover an insurmountable barrier has grown between him and the offspring he loves so deeply. There's also a tendency to be too critical, to expect too much too soon and be too strict.

A Virgo will expect you to fuss a bit over his health, but he’ll wait on you when you're sick, too, and allow you to be a regular Camille. He may have his cranky and moody spells now and then, perhaps even frequently. But one thing is sure. If you leave him alone, he won't go out of his way to start an argument with you. Just let him gets over his grumpiness and he'll surprise you with tenderness to make up for it.

Let him worry. It's good for him, sort of a Virgo mental exercise. But when you see it's affecting his physical state, snap him out of it by suggesting something interesting or different to do. It isn't hard to catch the mental attention of a Virgo, though it may be hard to keep it.

Now that you know what you're in for, if you're still in love with that Virgo man, you can look forward in a pretty contented future. You'll have a husband who's alert and well informed, who won't expect you to wait on him hand and foot or expect you to run around looking sexy all the time with a dab of perfume behind each ear and a rose in your teeth. (Although he may expect you to go around with a cake of soap in each hand.)

He’ll be reliable and pleasant, if you're tactful about his faults. He won't have many of them anyway unless you call the way he runs his finger across the furniture every night, looking for dust or a fault and little habits like that. No matter what he does, try not to nag him. Remember, he's not constituted to be able to take the critical analysis he applies to others.

Get used to his habit of criticizing you, and laugh it off with the realization that he can't help being such a sensitive hair splitter. Once that resentment is out of the way, you can relax, and really enjoy your bright, loyal Virgo. He's not an angel. There are no wings sprouting on his shoulders. But lots of wives will be jealous of you.

After all, how many women are married to a hard working, handsome man who's neat and tidy around the house, who remembers anniversaries and performs miracles with the check book.

How many wives have a smart husband who dresses well, seldom goes out with the boys or makes passes at other women, and is usually gentle and considerate? Look closely again. Is that just the reflection of the street lights around his head, or could it be . . . ?

No, it couldn't possibly be a halo. Not after the way he snapped at you when you spilled the buttered popcorn in his lap at the theater tonight. Of course not! That cranky character?

Still, there is a kind of an aura. And when he smiles and you can see yourself in his clear eyes well, he'll do until someone with real wings comes along.

话说当年

2009-10-20T18:19:00.051+08:00

今天不晓得是因为吃了巧克力的关系还是读了鲁比的部落格，不知哪来的一股感性还是感慨，突然想到以前小时候的一切生活点点滴滴。而且还心血来潮用中文来写部落格，因该不是脑袋出了问题了吧？

我自小就生长在一个贫穷的家庭，爸妈也不来自有钱人家，所以童年的回忆也不怎么美好。那时候的我，爸爸因为工作的关系时常不在家，而妈妈也需要每天上班且加班到深夜。所以，就把我交给附近的一个邻居托管。

这时候的我们，常常都被人家瞧不起。隔壁家的阿姨时常在我们背后指指点点，我当时还小，根本不知道原来穷是有罪的。

后来因为托儿费实在太高了而让爸妈吃不消，所以从小我就得学习自己照顾自己。每早自己起床刷牙，然后自己泡了一杯 milo 喝了就走路去上学。放学了，就到食堂去吃午餐然后自己走路回家。

那时候的我只有七岁，才读小学一年级。

由于家里贫穷的关系，买不起上等的彩色笔。每次上画画课的时候，看到同学们都用很好且选择又多的彩色笔，心里羡慕的很。每天上课、下课、放学都会看到同学们的爸爸妈妈来接待，不禁的觉得自己很可怜，觉得自己的父母亲好像都不疼我，都没别人的父母来的好。

由于还小的我不知天高地厚、不知道父母一天到晚都为了家里的三餐、为了我的教育在愁。我为了要得到他们的关注，竟然学会偷东西，把同班同学的一盒名贵彩色笔拿了然后放进自己的书包。以为这样就可以瞒天过海，下课了就沾沾自喜的跑去食堂吃东西。

结果，上课钟一敲我回到了班上的时候就看到老师与那位我偷了她的颜色笔的同学站在门口等我。我心想这次死定了。后来老师把我带到办公室去，要我打一个电话给妈妈叫她来接我放学。

我很清楚地记得那天的时间过得最漫长，而且非常难受，感觉好像在等死似的。

下课钟敲了，我背着沉重的书包走出课室，看到妈妈已经站在门口等我。我根本不敢看她，我跟她说老师有事情要我们到办公室去见她。后来，老师把事情的一切告诉了妈妈，妈妈忙着向老师道歉，还说她会回家好好的教训我。

那天晚上，我没有吃晚餐。我们一到家，她就把门关上，把窗帘拉起。然后拿了藤鞭就往我身上打。她一直问我，为什么要偷东西，为什么要做出那么让人丢脸的事情。我那时还小，不会表达自己的感受。所以，我就一直站在那儿不出声的让她用力的往我身上打。

妈妈就一直打一直打，我忍的很辛苦的眼泪都已经快要流下来了，而且感觉到全身被打的地方很痛。藤鞭打到头都开花了，本来以为妈妈会放我一马。不晓得她是真的很生气，还是因为生活的压力，不知她从哪儿拿来的一支朔胶水喉管，脱了我的衣服就往我身上抽。

我那时才七岁，身体幼小的我承受不了这样的抽打，结果晕了过去。醒来的时候，我躺在客厅。有一位警察叔叔坐在我身边，用着一条毛巾包着伤痕累累还有赤裸裸的我，用马来话问我要不要跟他走。我看到一辆警察车泊在门口，那蓝色的警报灯是多么的闪亮和刺眼。

原来是隔壁邻居因为听到我被打时候的惨叫声太凄惨了，怕我会被打伤所以忍不住跑去报警。

我望着妈妈，看到她坐在客厅的角落头不断的哭泣。我告诉警察叔叔我不能跟他走，因为妈妈会一个人在家。

自从那一天起，虽然妈妈再也没有像那晚一样的再打我，可是每一次只要我听到或看到妈妈一把窗帘拉起，我就会全身发抖，不晓得是不是做错了什么她要打我。而且每个晚上还会发恶梦，后来不知道到了小学几年级才逐渐的把事情忘记。

回想起来那已经是二十多年前的事了，后来慢慢长大了懂得做人的道理，懂得赚钱的辛苦，才了解当初妈妈为什么会这么激动。也许她可能当时出手是重了一点，也许当时她是因为被生活压力压的喘不过气来所以才拿我来当出气筒。当时的我也不希望一直把不开心的事情放在心里。

后来过了很久，每当我们说起这件事的时候，她都会眼睛湿湿的告诉我说：

我们就算再穷，也不能偷东西。要穷，也要穷得有骨气。
别人都可以瞧不起我们，但我们千万不可以瞧不起自己。

我非常明白为什么她当初出手会这么重，因为当时的我们实在太穷了。我们根本没有从错误中吸取教训的本钱。爸爸常年都在外面奔跑，而妈妈除了每天上下班都要搭公车，她还得转两个站才到家。到了晚上，她还得在洗衣煮饭后再督促我做功课。

他们根本都没有很多的时间与机会来教育我做人的道理，所以也许当时她急促了一点为了要让我知道偷东西是一个非常严重的错误而出手过重了。

更令我难受的是我在几年前才知道原来我不只有现在这一个弟弟，原来我有两个弟弟。就刚好在事情发生的那一个月里，在妈妈的肚子里面怀了几个月的弟弟突然没有心跳了。当时爸爸还在外地公干，妈妈只好自己一个人到医院去把肚子里的弟弟拿出来，然后也没有“坐月”调养身体，第二天就去上班了。

不知是不是因为这样，妈妈一路以来的身体都不好，一生病就需要很久的时间才康复。妈妈有一天跟我说，她去见了一个很出名专替别人算命的大师。大师看了她的掌纹之后告诉她说她的命很短，不收她的钱。

我为了这件事，讨厌了爸爸很久很久。虽然那是很久以前的事了，可是我想起来当时的妈妈好委屈，好可怜。虽然我答应妈妈以后不会在他们面前提起这件事，可是我还是为了这件事难过了好一段日子。我听了之后，难过死了。

我也为了这件事，责怪了自己好久好久。我不知道是不是因为我的调皮，让妈妈这么生气打我而触动了胎气，让弟弟不能出世。如果是的话，弟弟我向你说声对不起，因为哥哥的事情而否决了你出世的权力，我真的罪该万死。

现在想起来，我都还会偷偷的流眼泪。

不知道是不是因为童年的影响，造成我初期对于人生的态度很极端。我总是觉得不管做人也好，做事也好。要嘛就不做，要做就要做最好。世界上只有第一名和最后一名，没有第二名或第三名什么的。因为知道自己先天的条件没比别人来的好，觉得不管做些什么一定会比别人吃亏所以做些什么都要全力以赴，都要很认真，因为我们没有输的本钱。

这极端的想法，虽然在后来带给了我很多物质上的享受，可是想起来我失去的也不少。同时，也深深的了解了一点，虽然钱不是万能，可是没钱可真的是万万不能。

真是岁月不留人，以前的我是那么的无知，那么的单纯。再看看现在的我，已走了这么远。看见了世界的丑陋，也看见了女人的假情假意与背叛能力等等。当然，当中也有很多快乐的事情，让我不至于觉得人生真的有那么的可悲。

在我二十多岁的时候，不晓得为什么爸爸的生意突然间好起来，而且越做越大。眼看着爸爸将那辆开了将近十年的 proton wira 换了一部最新款的 mercedes benz，他也买了一间比我们当时住着大两倍的屋子。弟弟和妈妈都很高兴也很兴奋，我还时常听到他们在议论纷纷的商量房子要怎么装修。

可是，当时候的我却一点感觉也没有。那时候已经工作了好几年的我，正在半工读考我的 masters，从经济的较度来说我在那时已算是蛮独立的了。我根本不需跟家里拿任何经济上的津贴。

弟弟可就不一样了，爸爸决定送他到澳洲去深造，还在那里给他买了一部车代步。现在他已拥有澳洲的永久居留权了，正在跟女朋友同居，看来他是想在那里落地生根了。

我知道阅读我的部落格不只是亲戚朋友，甚至还有客户与生意上的朋友。每个人都有个故事，这就是我的故事。以前的我鲜少在别人面前提起自己的过去，因为不希望别人会用不同的眼光看我，我讨厌 judgmental 的人，更介意别人的眼光。

眨眼一过，我都快将近三十岁了。如今的我已看的很开了，我很庆幸今天的我有份稳定的收入、有车有楼、有一班好同事、有关心我的好朋友，想想下好像什么都不缺了。今天的我，可以赤裸裸的站在这里跟大家分享我的故事，心情真是百感交集。

可是为什么我还总是觉得钱不够用呢？还是不知不觉中已经慢慢将自己变成跟那些一直在追这物质上享受的人一样了？

Public holiday on your birthday for the rest of your life

2009-10-19T12:00:00.006+08:00

Yep folks, starting year 2010 I will be celebrating my holiday with the entire Malaysia as our Prime Minister just declared Malaysia Day a public holiday!

**** BUAHAHAHAHAHA ****

Source: The Star Online

Author: Yeng Ai Chin

KUALA LUMPUR: Beginning next year, Sept 16, which is Malaysia Day has been declared a public holiday.

Prime Minister Datuk Seri Najib Tun Razak said the day would involve activities that would foster the 1Malaysia spirit.

He added this meant Malaysians would have a twin celebration, to commemorate the country’s independence starting next year

Najib said National Day on Aug 31 would be celebrated with formal events such as a parade to commemorate the historical moment and it would remind the people about the struggle in achieving independence from the colonists.

He made the announcement during the question-and-answer session at Parliament on Monday.

Najib said Sabah and Sarawak, which joined Malaysia in 1963 and the formation of Malaysia as an independent country was a very important moment in history.

“We want the joy and sorrows of the people in Sabah and Sarawak to be felt by the people in the Peninsula,” he said.

“Therefore, I would like to announce to the people of Malaysia that the Cabinet has recently made the decision to celebrate Hari Malaysia on Sept 16 starting 2010.”

Malaysia Day would be celebrated with events that would foster closer unity, understanding between the different races and community success and achievement through sports, social culture and arts, to spur the 1Malaysia spirit, he added.

Maxis Broadband Sucks v2.0

2009-10-19T10:42:00.011+08:00

Recently my dad got conned into upgrading his broadband services by Maxis again claiming things will be different this time. Guess he still hasn't learnt his lesson from the past.

I was really reluctant and skeptical but I decided to give my old man and Maxis the benefit of the doubt so I gave it a go anyways.

I am sure everyone is familiar with the saying which goes like this:

Fool me once, shame on you.
Fool me twice, shame on me.

I couldn't help but feeling I was once again screwed by Maxis. However, the shame is on me this time.

Still, that doesn't stop me from wanting to shove the modem up Ananda Krishnan's ass. Why do you mother fuckers like to con our money?

Instead of yapping here and there, I'll just post up the speed test results and let them speak for themselves.

Packaging

Contents

The GSM modem itself

The so called claimed 7.2 Mbps connection

The usual bullshit StreamyX connection tester

The actual speed, don't you feel shameful at all Maxis?

Memorable Birthday

2009-09-26T01:26:00.009+08:00

10 days ago was my 29th birthday and I wasn't able to celebrate on the day itself because I was attending an IBM roadshow in KL Hilton.

Shit, can't believe I'm actually 29 already and reaching the 30 mark very soon. Should I feel depressed or what? :P

Yummy!

The Chilliwire boys bought me dinner a day earlier and I would like to thank them for the lovely meal.

And this is probably one of the most meaningful present anyone could ever get me - a personalized magic photo mug and with my pictures on it.

When the cup is not heated, there's nothing on the surface but once you pour in hot water the pictures appears!

Even the wrapping was so thoughtful

Looks like your normal typical mug

Once you pour in hot water, there comes the pictures

男人是专一的，女人是花心的

2009-09-17T11:54:00.003+08:00

0 - 5 岁：

女人：妈妈。

男人：妈妈。

6 - 10 岁：

女人：不是讨厌的男孩就行。

男人：能和我一起欺負其它人的男孩。

11 - 15 岁：

女人：十六七八九岁的大男孩，只要不是本班的那一帮就行。

男人：篮球，足球，乒乓球，网球。。。

16 - 25 岁：

女人：26岁至29岁的有事业基础，有品位。有才华的男人。

男人：20岁至24岁的漂亮，有身段的女人。

25 - 30 岁：

女人：坚持要比自己大的人。

男人：20岁至24岁的漂亮，有身段的女人。

30 - 40 岁：

女人：心灵契合的男人。

男人：20岁至24岁的漂亮，有身段的女人。

40 - 50 岁：

女人：男人。

男人：20岁至24岁的漂亮，有身段的女人。

50 - 60 岁：

女人：能和她终老的男人.

男人：20岁至24岁的漂亮，有身段的女人。

60 - 70 岁：

女人：和他在一起，需要自己照顾的男人。

男人：20岁至24岁的漂亮，有身段的女人。

70 - 80 岁：

女人：和他在一起，不需要自己照顾的男人。

男人：20岁至24岁的漂亮，有身段的女人。

80 - 90 岁：

女人：死在自己后面的男人。

男人：我虽然已经老眼昏花，不過我还是希望20岁至24岁的漂亮，有身段的女人。

看来男人还蛮专一的。

Malaysia F1 Team

2009-09-15T22:49:00.002+08:00

Source: The Star Online

So, The Star Online reported that our country is forming a F1 team to participate in the upcoming F1 race next year.

Great, while I applaud the move to put Malaysia in the eye of the world besides the KLCC tower and a whole load of corruption news and murder cases that links back to moronic politicians, has one ever thought that whose money are they actually using to fund the damn team?

The news article reported that the investment is done through Proton, and how much is Proton charging already for the fucked up cars they are selling?

We're already fed up by the impose of ridiculous taxes for import cars just to protect Proton's monkey ass, now you want to sell us a piece of crap with a ridiculous price, take the money and then invest it in a F1 team?

Sigh. Poor old Teoh Beng Hock. Poor old Altantuya. Poor old Anwar Ibrahim.

男生有了女朋友后的20个惨状

2009-09-04T20:17:00.000+08:00

一、没认识你之前我拿奖学金，认识你之后我差点补考。

二、我忍着让别人笑话的耻辱给你洗衣服。

三、一个苹果，都给你吃。两个苹果，我把大的给你吃。

四、同吃一条鱼，我让你吃鱼肉，我自己吃鱼头。

五、你这么难看，我还说你漂亮。我这么帅，你还说我难看。

六、出去玩都是我花钱，回来我只能吃萝卜（你省下钱当然可以自己吃鱼翅了）。

七、认识你之前我没交过女朋友。认识我之前你交了两个男朋友。

八、你生气时，我让你当出气筒。我生气时，我把自己当出气筒。

九、你想吻我的时候就可以吻我。我想吻你的时候还要经过你同意。

十、你经常打我，我从来没有打过你。

十一、有一次你问我如果你爱上别的男人了我会怎样，我说我要杀了那个男的。我又问你如果我爱上了别的女人了你会怎样，你说你要阉了我。

十二、我买了200块的衣服给你，骗你才50块。你买了30块的手表给我，骗我要300块。

十三、我把你的耳机用坏了，我买新的赔你。你把我的自行车丢了，连句对不起也没说。

十四、你生病一次，我要瘦两斤。我生病一次，你反而胖两斤（你来寝室陪我，吃光了我所有的零食。）

十五、我没嫌你矮，你却嫌我高。

十六、你来我家，我睡沙发。我去你家，还是我睡沙发。

十七、那次去看露天演唱会，你骑在我头上看得津津有味，我被你压在下面在人群中流泪。

十八、我家的狗生了，我把最好看的一条送给你。你却把你养得快要死掉的金鱼送给我，害我才养两天就得给它们送终。

十九、我给你洗了N次的袜子，从未给你丢过一只。你只在我生病的时候给我洗了两双袜子，就各丢一只。

二十、我陪你去买东西时我主动帮你提东西，你却从来没问过要不要帮我提东西。

Facebook Bug?

2009-08-28T18:36:00.005+08:00

Out of curiousity I tried sending a message to myself in Facebook and it worked.

So I suppose the programmers coded this as a feature rather than a bug?

Got spammed on Skype

2009-08-25T18:07:00.003+08:00

What's the deal with all these spam on Skype?

Never Laugh At The Chinese

2009-08-21T12:23:00.015+08:00

A Chinese man walks in to a bank in New York City and asks for the loan officer. He tells the loan officer that he is going to China on business for 2 weeks and needs to borrow $5,000.

The bank officer tells him that the bank will need some form of security for the loan, so the Chinese man hands over the keys to a new Ferrari parked on the street in front of the bank. He produces the title and everything checks out.

The loan officer agrees accept the car as collateral for the loan. The bank's president and its officers all enjoy a good laugh at the Chinese man for using a $250,000 Ferrari as collateral against a $5,000 loan. An employee then drives the Ferarri into the bank's underground garage and parks it there.

2 weeks later, the Chinese man returns and repays the $5,000 loan together with the interest, which amounts to $15.41.

The loan officer asks,

"Sir, we are very happy to have had your business and this transaction has worked out very nicely. But we are a little puzzled, while you were away we checked you out and you are a multi-millionaire. Why would you bother to borrow $5,000 from us?"

The Chinese man replies calmly,

"Where else in New York City can I park a $250,000 Ferarri for 2 weeks for only $15.41 and expect it to be there safely when I return?"

So, who has the last laugh now bitch?

Rest In Peace Lucky

2009-08-19T17:01:00.001+08:00

Rest in peace beloved Lucky, you will be sorely missed.

More Susu Kambing

2009-08-14T14:46:00.006+08:00

The last time I had susu kambing was back in May, and today my bitch David bought me another one and this time its chocolate flavored.

Nubian Goat's Milk
It's the best known alternative to mother's milk™

I Love Ribena

2009-08-12T15:10:00.002+08:00

I love Ribena, its rich in vitamin C and its halal too.

The No Asshole Rule

2009-08-10T13:16:00.017+08:00

I was cleaning up my bookshelf the other day and I came across this book that I bought couple years back when I was still working for a Web 2.0 startup.

It was recommeded to me personally by the CEO himself at that time and I couldn't understand back then why he wanted me to read this book until several years later.

And for that I am grateful to him as I wouldn't be who I am today without his mentoring in the past years.

Back then I was coined "The Asshole Detector" as somehow I was perceived to have the ability to be able to detect assholes within the company by just talking to them or working with them for a short while.

Throughout my career along the years, every single person that I recommended to be fired or those that I even fired myself personally turned out to be assholes acknowledged by the entire company.

So how do I became so efficient in detecting assholes? Well, it takes one to know another. I'm not shameful to admit that I can be a big time asshole myself sometimes.

In the past, if any joker tries to challenge me technically when it comes to programming and if I knew I am absolutely right and the person who challenges me refuses to back down I will make it very ugly for that person just to prove my point.

Yes, I had a huge ego back then. I still have one now though however I've learnt to keep my ego in check. It is important for one to know when its your ego speaking and when its not.

Climbing up towards the corporate ladder has toned me down, made me wiser and thought me a lot of things. And definitely one of them is that if you're being an ass most of the time you'll probably end up somewhere with no friends, or you'll probably end up nowhere and still with no friends.

And if you're one of the many that often wondered why an asshole in a particular company is holding a high ranking position, chances are the boss is probably an asshole himself.

Or, the boss is probably smart enough to keep one or two assholes around the company as part of a strategy to keep the employees intact as described within the book.

You might have already heard of ARSE or simply known as Asshole Rating Self-Exam. If not, a simple click is all you need to do to find out whether are you an asshole or not. That is if you can bare your soul and answer the questions truthfully.

Rather then discussing the entire contents of the book here, if time permits may I suggest that you take some time off during the weekends and grab this book at your nearest bookstore.

Nothing beats sitting in Starbucks sipping coffee with a great book in hand.

Good Advice

2009-08-05T19:04:00.002+08:00

Winnie tried to be funny today on MSN.

Quote of the day

2009-07-27T17:39:00.004+08:00

A man is not complete until he's married.
Then, he's finished.

9 Words Common to Women

2009-07-23T18:10:00.009+08:00

1. Fine

This is the word women use to end an argument when they think they are right no matter what and you need to shut up.

2. Five minutes

If she is getting dressed, this means half an hour to one hour. Five minutes is only five minutes if she tells you that you have been given five more minutes to watch the football game before getting your sorry ass up from the couch to help around the house.

3. Nothing

This is the calm before the storm. This means something and you should be on your toes, and you're almost considered fucked. Keep asking until she gives you a different reply other than "nothing". If you do not continue asking, you're fucked as well.

Arguments that begins with nothing usually ends in fine.

(Refer back to #1 for the meaning of fine)

4. Go ahead

This is a dare, not persmission. Don't do it or you're fucked.

5. Loud sigh

This is actually a word, but is a non-verbal statement often misunderstood by men. A loud sigh means she thinks you're an idiot and wonders why she is wasting her time standing here and arguing with you about nothing.

(Refer back to #3 for the meaning of nothing)

6. That's OK

This is one of the most dangerous statements a women can make to a man. That's OK means she wants to think long and hard before deciding how and when you will pay for your mistake.

So it's NOT OK.

7. Thanks

When a women is thanking you, do not question or faint. Just say "You're welcome". Unless she says "Thanks a lot" - that is PURE sarcasm and she is not thanking you at all. DO NOT say "you're welcome" because that will bring on a "whatever".

(Refer to to #8 for the meaning of whatever)

8. Whatever

It is a women's way of saying "Screw you".

9. Don't worry about it, I got it

Another dangerous statement, meaning this is something that a women has told a man to do several times but she's now doing it hreself. This will later result in a man asking "What's wrong?" and to be greeted with a "nothing".

Then, you're fucked.

(Refer back to #3 for the meaning of nothing)

Men vs Women

2009-07-22T17:04:00.001+08:00

Time to time the topic of the difference between men and women will come in light and often attempted debates will end up both genders each with their own conclusions.

Here are some run down of the differences, what do you think?

Nicknames

If Angeline, Tammy and Vicky goes out for lunch, they will call each other Angeline, Tammy and Vicky.

If Chew Soon, David and Richard goes out, they will affectionately refer to each other as Fei Hai, Godzilla and Four Eye Fatty.

Eating out

When the bill arrives, Chew Soon, David and Richard will each throw in $20, even though it’s only for $32.50. None of them will have anything smaller and none will actually admit they want change back.

When the girls get their bill, out come the pocket calculators.

Money

A man will pay $2 for a $1 item he needs.

A woman will pay $1 for a $2 item that she doesn’t need but it’s on sale.

Bathrooms

A man has six items in his bathroom: toothbrush and toothpaste, shaving cream, razor, a bar of soap, and a towel.

The average number of items in the typical woman’s bathroom is 337. A man would not be able to identify more than 20 of these items.

Arguments

A woman has the last word in any argument.

Anything a man says after that is the beginning of a new argument.

Future

A woman worries about the future until she gets a husband.

A man never worries about the future until he gets a wife.

Success

A successful man is one who makes more money than his wife can spend.

A successful woman is one who can find such a man.

Marriage

A woman marries a man expecting he will change, but he doesn’t.

A man marries a woman expecting that she won’t change, but she does.

Dressing Up

A woman will dress up to go shopping, water the plants, empty the trash, answer the phone, read a book, and get the mail.

A man will dress up for weddings and funerals.

Natural

Men wake up as good-looking as they went to bed.

Women somehow deteriorate during the night.

Offspring

A woman knows all about her children. She knows about dentist appointments and romances, best friends, favorite foods, secret fears and hopes and dreams.

A man is vaguely aware of some short people living in the house.

IRC Cybersex Gone Wrong

2009-07-13T13:16:00.009+08:00

Those of us who were born in the 80's would probably catch what I am about to post here.

Back then in the early 90's, before MSN and Yahoo! Messenger became mainstream we had forums, bulletin boards, IRC and ICQ which were very popular.

I came across the following IRC chat logs from a few popular sites so I thought of sharing it here with everyone.

The Saga of Bloodninja

bloodninja: Baby, I been havin a tough night so treat me nice aight?

BritneySpears14: Aight.

bloodninja: Slip out of those pants baby, yeah.

BritneySpears14: I slip out of my pants, just for you, bloodninja.

bloodninja: Oh yeah, aight. Aight, I put on my robe and wizard hat.

BritneySpears14: Oh, I like to play dress up.

bloodninja: Me too baby.

BritneySpears14: I kiss you softly on your chest.

bloodninja: I cast Lvl. 3 Eroticism. You turn into a real beautiful woman.

BritneySpears14: Hey...

bloodninja: I meditate to regain my mana, before casting Lvl. 8 Cock of the Infinite.

BritneySpears14: Funny I still don't see it.

bloodninja: I spend my mana reserves to cast Mighty Fuck of the Beyondness.

BritneySpears14: You are the worst cyber partner ever. This is ridiculous.

bloodninja: Don't fuck with me bitch, I'm the mightiest sorcerer of the lands.

bloodninja: I steal yo soul and cast Lightning Lvl. 1,000,000 Your body explodes into a fine bloody mist, because you are only a Lvl. 2 Druid.

BritneySpears14: Don't ever message me again you piece of shit.

bloodninja: Robots are trying to drill my brain but my lightning shield inflicts DOA attack, leaving the robots as flaming piles of metal.

bloodninja: King Arthur congratulates me for destroying Dr. Robotnik's evil army of Robot Socialist Republics . The cold war ends. Reagan steals my accomplishments and makes like it was cause of him.

bloodninja: You still there baby? I think it's getting hard now.

bloodninja: Baby?

--------------------

BritneySpears14: Ok, are you ready?

eminemBNJA: Aight, yeah I'm ready.

BritneySpears14: I like your music Em... Tee hee.

eminemBNJA: huh huh, yeah, I make it for the ladies.

BritneySpears14: Mmm, we like it a lot. Let me show you.

BritneySpears14: I take off your pants, slowly, and massage your muscular physique.

eminemBNJA: Oh I like that Baby. I put on my robe and wizard hat.

BritneySpears14: What the fuck, I told you not to message me again.

eminemBNJA: Oh shit

BritneySpears14: I swear if you do it one more time I'm gonna report your ISP and say you were sending me kiddie porn you fuck up.

eminemBNJA: Oh shit

eminemBNJA: damn I gotta write down your names or something

--------------------

bloodninja: Wanna cyber?

Katie_007: Sure, you into vegetables?

bloodninja: What like gardening and shit?

Katie_007: Yeah, something like that.

bloodninja: Nothing turns me on more, check this out:

bloodninja: You bend over to harvest your radishes.

(pause)

Katie_007: is that it?

bloodninja: You water your tomato patch.

bloodninja: Are you ready for my fresh produce?

Katie_007: I was thinking of like, sexual acts INVOLVING vegetables... Can you make it a little more sexy for me?

(pause)

bloodninja: I touch you on your lettuce, you massage my spinach... sexily.

bloodninja: I ride your buttocks like they were amber waves of grains.

Katie_007: Grain doesn't really turn me on... I was thinking more along the lines of carrots and zucchinis.

bloodninja: my zucchinis carresses your carrots.

bloodninja: Damn baby you're right, this shit is HOTT.

Katie_007: ...

bloodninja: My turnips listen for the soft cry of your love. My insides turn to celery as I unleash my warm and sticky cauliflower of love.

Katie_007: What the fuck is this madlibs? I'm outta here.

bloodninja: Yeah, well I already unleashed my cauliflower, all over your olives, and up in your eyes. Now you can't see. Bitch.

Katie_007: whatever.

--------------------

Bloodninja: I lick your earlobe, and undo your watch.

Sarah19fca: mmmm, okay.

Bloodninja: I take yo pants off, grunting like a troll.

Sarah19fca: Yeah I like it rough.

Bloodninja: I smack you thick booty.

Sarah19fca: Oh yeah, that feels good.

Bloodninja: Smack, Smack, yeeeaahhh.

Bloodninja: I make some toast and eat it off your ass. Land O' Lakes butter all in your crack. Mmmm.

Sarah19fca: you like that?

Bloodninja: I peel some bananas.

Sarah19fca: Oh, what are you gonna do with those?

Bloodninja: get me peanuts. Peanuts from the ballpark.

Sarah19fca: Peanuts?

Bloodninja: Ken Griffey Jr. Yeaaaaahhh.

Sarah19fca: What are you talking about?

Bloodninja: I'm spent, I jump down into the alley and smoke a fatty. I throw rocks at the cats.

Sarah19fca: This is stupid.

Bloodninja: Stone Cold Steve Austin gives me some beer.

Bloodninja: Wanna Wrestle Stone Cold?

Bloodninja: Yeeaahhhh.

Sarah19fca: /ignore

Bloodninja: Its cool stone cold she was a bitch anyway.

Bloodninja: We get on harleys and ride into the sunset.

--------------------

Bloodninja: Wanna cyber?

DirtyKate: K, but don't tell anybody ;-)

DirtyKate: Who are you?

Bloodninja: I've got blond hair, blue eyes, I work out a lot

Bloodninja: And I have a part time job delivering for Papa John's in my Geo Storm.

DirtyKate: You sound sexy.. I bet you want me in the back of your car..

Bloodninja: Maybe some other time. You should call up Papa John's and make an order

DirtyKate: Haha! OK

DirtyKate: Hello! I'd like an extra-EXTRA large pizza just dripping with sauce.

Bloodninja: Well, first they would say, "Hello, this is Papa John's, how may I help you", then they tell you the specials, and then you would make your order. So that's an X-Large. What toppings do you want?

DirtyKate: I want everything, baby!

Bloodninja: Is this a delivery?

DirtyKate: Umm...Yes

DirtyKate: So you're bringing the pizza to my house now? Cause I'm home alone... and I think I'll take a shower...

Bloodninja: Good. It will take about fifteen minutes to cook, and then I'll drive to your house.

**pause**

DirtyKate:I'm almost finished with my shower... Hurry up!

Bloodninja: You can't hurry good pizza.

Bloodninja: I'm on my way now though

**pause**

DirtyKate: So you're at my front door now.

Bloodninja: How did you know?

Bloodninja: I knock but you can't hear me cause you're in the shower. So I let myself in, and walk inside. I put the pizza down on your coffee table.

Bloodninja: Are you ready to get nasty, baby? I'm as hot as a pizza oven

DirtyKate: ooohh yeah. I step out of the shower and I'm all wet and cold. Warm me up baby

Bloodninja: So you're still in the bathroom?

DirtyKate: Yeah, I'm wrapping a towel around myself.

Bloodninja: I can no longer resist the pizza. I open the box and unzip my pants with my other hand. As I penetrate the gooey cheese, I moan in ecstacy. The mushrooms and Italian sausage are rough, but the sauce is deliciously soothing. I blow my load in seconds. As you leave the bathroom, I exit through the front door....

DirtyKate: What the fuck?

DirtyKate: You perverted piece of shit

DirtyKate: Fuck

--------------------

Bloodninja: Ok baby, we got to hurry, I don't know how long I can keep it ready for you.

j_gurli13: thats ok. ok i'm a japanese schoolgirl, what r u.

Bloodninja: A Rhinocerus. Well, hung like one, thats for sure.

j_gurli13: haha, ok lets go.

j_gurli13: i put my hand through ur hair, and kiss u on the neck.

Bloodninja: I stomp the ground, and snort, to alert you that you are in my breeding territory.

j_gurli13: haha, ok, u know that turns me on.

j_gurli13: i start unbuttoning ur shirt.

Bloodninja: Rhinoceruses don't wear shirts.

j_gurli13: No, ur not really a Rhinocerus silly, it's just part of the game.

Bloodninja: Rhinoceruses don't play games. They fucking charge your ass.

j_gurli13: stop, cmon be serious.

Bloodninja: It doesn't get any more serious than a Rhinocerus about to charge your ass.

Bloodninja: I stomp my feet, the dust stirs around my tough skinned feet.

j_gurli13: thats it.

Bloodninja: Nostrils flaring, I lower my head. My horn, like some phallic symbol of my potent virility, is the last thing you see as skulls collide and mine remains the victor. You are now a bloody red ragdoll suspended in the air on my mighty horn.

Bloodninja: Fuck am I hard now.

--------------------

sweet17: Hi

Bloodninja: hello

Bloodninja: who is this?

sweet17: just a someone?

Bloodninja: A someone I know?

sweet17: nope

Bloodninja: Then why the hell are you bothering me?

sweet17: well sorrrrrry

sweet17: I just wanted to chat with you

Bloodninja: why?

sweet17: nevermind your an jerk

Bloodninja: Hey wait a minute

sweet17: yes?

Bloodninja: look I'm sorry. I'm just a little paranoid

sweet17: paranoid?

Bloodninja: yes

sweet17: of what?

sweet17: me?

Bloodninja: No. I'm in hiding.

sweet17: LOL

Bloodninja: Don't fucking laugh at me!

Bloodninja: This shit is serious!

sweet17: What are you hiding from?

Bloodninja: The cops.

sweet17: gimme a fucking break

Bloodninja: I'm serious.

sweet17: I don't get it

Bloodninja: The cops are after me.

sweet17: For what?

Bloodninja: I'm wanted in three states

sweet17: For???

Bloodninja: It's kind of embarrasing.

Bloodninja: I had sex with a turkey.

Bloodninja: Hello?

sweet17: You are fucking sick.

Bloodninja: Send me your picture.

sweet17: why?

Bloodninja: so I know you aren't one of them.

sweet17: One of what?

Bloodninja: The cops.

sweet17: I'm not a cop i told you

Bloodninja: Then send me your picture.

sweet17: hold on

Bloodninja: Hurry up.

Bloodninja: Are you there?

Bloodninja: Fuck you, cop!

sweet17: Hey sorry

sweet17: I had to do something for my mom.

Bloodninja: I thought you were trying to find a picture to send to me.

Bloodninja: When really you were notifying the authorities.

Bloodninja: Weren't you!?

sweet17: thats not it

Bloodninja: Then what?

sweet17: I don't want to send you the picture cause I'm not pretty

Bloodninja: Most cops aren't

sweet17: IM NOT A FUCKING COP YOU ASSHOLE!

Bloodninja: Then send me the picture.

sweet17: fine. What's your e-mail?

Bloodninja: Just send it through here.

sweet17: alright *PIC*

sweet17: Did you get it?

Bloodninja: Hold on. I'm looking.

sweet17: That was me back in may

sweet17: I've lost weight since then.

Bloodninja: I hope so

sweet17: what?!?

sweet17: that hurt my feelings.

Bloodninja: Did it?

sweet17: Yes. I'm not that much smaller than that now.

Bloodninja: Will it make you feel better if I send you my picture?

sweet17: yes

Bloodninja: Alright let me find it.

sweet17: kks

Bloodninja: Okay here it is. *PIC*

sweet17: this isn't you.

Bloodninja: I'll be damned if it ain't!

sweet17: You don't look like that.

Bloodninja: How the hell do you know?

sweet17: cause your profile has another picture.

Bloodninja: The profile pic is a fake.

Bloodninja: I use it to hide from the cops.

sweet17: You look like the Farm Fresh guy lol

Bloodninja: Well, you look like you ATE the Farm Fresh guy....

Bloodninja: Not to mention all the groceries.

sweet17: Go fuck yourself

Bloodninja: I was going to until I saw that picture

Bloodninja: Now my unit won't get hard for a week.

sweet17: I shouldn't have sent you that picture.

sweet17: You've done nothing but slam me.

sweet17: you hurt me.

Bloodninja: And calling me the Farm Fresh guy doesn't hurt me?

sweet17: I thought you were bullcrapping me!

Bloodninja: Why would I do that?

sweet17: I can't believe that cops are after you

Bloodninja: I can't believe Santa lets you sit on his lap..

sweet17: FUCK YOU!!!

Bloodninja: You'd break both of his legs.

sweet17: You're a FUCKING ASSHOLE!

sweet17: I've been teased my whole life because of my weight

sweet17: and you make fun of me when you don't even know me

Bloodninja: Ok. I'm sorry.

sweet17: No you aren't

Bloodninja: You're right. I'm not.

Bloodninja: HAARRRRR!

sweet17: I'm done with you

Bloodninja: Aww. I'm sorry.

sweet17: I'm putting you on ignore

Bloodninja: Wait a sec

Bloodninja: We got off on the wrong foot.

Bloodninja: Wanna start over?

sweet17: No

Bloodninja: I'll eat your kitty

sweet17: You'll what?

Bloodninja: You heard me.

Bloodninja: I said I'd eat your kitty.

sweet17: I thought you said you couldn't get it hard after seeing my picture

Bloodninja: Do I need a hard-on to eat your kitty?

sweet17: I'd like to know that the man eating me out is excited yes

Bloodninja: Well I'm not like most men.

Bloodninja: I get excited in different ways.

sweet17: Like what?

Bloodninja: Do you really wanna know?

sweet17: I don't know

Bloodninja: You have to tell me yes or no.

sweet17: I'm afraid to

Bloodninja: Why?

sweet17: cause

Bloodninja: cause why?

sweet17: well lets see

sweet17: you say you have sex with turkeys. You call me fat. then you wanna eat me out

sweet17: doesn't that seem strange to you?

Bloodninja: Nope

sweet17: well its strange to me

Bloodninja: Fine. I won't do it if you don't want me to

sweet17: I didn't say that

Bloodninja: So is that a yes?

sweet17: I guess so.

Bloodninja: Ok. I need your help getting excited though.

Bloodninja: Are you willing?

sweet17: What do you need me to do?

Bloodninja: I need you talk like a pirate.

sweet17: ???

Bloodninja: When I start to go limp... you say "HARRRR!!!"

Bloodninja: ok?

Bloodninja: Hello?

sweet17: You can't be serious

Bloodninja: Oh yes I am!

Bloodninja: It's my fantasy.

sweet17: this is retarded

Bloodninja: Do you want it or not?

sweet17: Yes I want it.

Bloodninja: Then you'll do it for me?

sweet17: sure

Bloodninja: Ok. Here we go.

Bloodninja: I gently remove your panties and being to massage your thighs.

Bloodninja: You get really juicy thinking about my tounge brushing up against them

Bloodninja: I softly begin to tounge your wet kitty.

Bloodninja: I run my tounge up and down your smooth cunt.

sweet17: mmmm yeah

Bloodninja: uh oh ...going limp.

sweet17: Har

Bloodninja: You gotta do better than that!

Bloodninja: Your picture was really bad.

sweet17: HARRRRRRRRRRRR

Bloodninja: Ahhhh. Much better. I feel your kitty get more moist with every stroke.

Bloodninja: I softly suck on your clit bringing it in and out of my mouth.

Bloodninja: Your juices run down my chin as your scent makes its way to my nose.

Bloodninja: I begin to feel empowered by your femininity.

sweet17: mmmmmm you are good

Bloodninja: I feel your thighs tighten as I suck harder

Bloodninja: going limp

sweet17: HARRRRRRR

Bloodninja: Mmmm I grab your swelling buttocks in my hands.

Bloodninja: You begin to sway back and forth.

Bloodninja: going limp

sweet17: this is stupid

Bloodninja: ...still limp

Bloodninja: Do it!

sweet17: HARRRRRRRRRRRRR

Bloodninja: I turn you around to lick your asshole.

Bloodninja: I pry apart that battleship you call your ass.

Bloodninja: I see poo nuggets hanging from the hair around your ass.

sweet17: WTF?!?!?

Bloodninja: They stink really bad.

sweet17: OMG STOP!!!

Bloodninja: I start to get fed up with your ugly ass

Bloodninja: I tear off your wooden peg leg.

Bloodninja: I ram it up your ass.

sweet17: YOURE A FUCKING PYSCHO!!

Bloodninja: Then I pour hot caramel over your head.

Bloodninja: And turn you into a fucking candy apple...

Bloodninja: I kick you in the face!

sweet17: FUCK YOU ASSHOLE!!

Bloodninja: The celluloid from your cheeks hits the side of the cabin...

Bloodninja: Your parrot flys away.

Bloodninja: ...going limp again.

Bloodninja: Hello?

Bloodninja: Say it!

Bloodninja: HAARRRRRR!!!!!